英文版论文

I’m not quite sure what I’m facing right now. Maybe I’m just not grown up yet. Maybe I’m not ready to be independent.

I think we have nearly a hundred years to explore the meaning of life. But from another perspective, maybe we shouldn’t keep obsessing over the meaning of life. What’s more important is to enjoy the present. Of course, I believe there are so many topics we need to face in life, such as the death of loved ones, love, or friendship. As a 16-year-old, I think I should enjoy my youth, the love of my parents, and the happiness with my friends. But then I think, I don’t have a perfect family, nor do I have perfect friendships. But I think that’s okay. Everyone experiences happiness in different ways.

I don’t really know what I’m facing now. Some people live on faith. Some live for their families. But I think as long as there’s hope, there’s a way out. Maybe I’m still just a child in others’ eyes. And indeed, with my abilities, I can’t really do much. I can only do what I can. Things like making money and becoming the pillar of the family are not what a child should be doing. In the past, I even wanted to be a boy because I thought that way I could take on more responsibilities for the my family. I still remember in school when my teacher asked us what we wanted to do in the future. Other students could talk endlessly about their goals, but I had no idea. I didn’t have any goals. The only goal I had before going abroad was to get into the IB program, which was both my own wish and my parents’ wish. I think the problem that I’ve been facing all my life is finding meaning in my life.

I don’t have a perfect family of origin. But I know there are no perfect parents in the world. They also grow up while teaching their children to grow up and learn how to love.

I think the future that I’m facing is going to be full of ups and downs.

My mother gave up everything to give me a better environment and the opportunity to spread my wings. She came with me to New Zealand for study . She’s from the north of China and finds it hard to adapt to the environment here. She also needs to make new friends. Her English is not very good, but she’s always trying. We’ve been here for over a year, and she’s been diagnosed with a lot of diseases that we don’t want to face. The only thing I can do is to keep studying hard, even though I don’t think I’m really good at studying. But she’s always been supportive of me, encouraging me to do what I like. My father is the exact opposite. When I told him I wanted to study fashion design, he said that design would be taken over by AI in the future and I wouldn’t have a job. When I said I wanted to be a bartender, he said it was not possible. When I said I wanted to draw comics, he said it had no future. When I said I wanted to be a lawyer, he said it was hard to find a job as a lawyer and I should study science instead. I didn’t argue with him because of his denial. But my mother told me that she wanted me to achieve my dreams because she didn’t have the chance to achieve her own dreams when she was young. She had a good chance to go to a good university through art exams in her college entrance exam year, but she lost the opportunity because of family matters. She gave up her dreams for the family, Then now she gave up everything for my dreams. Her determination makes me feel that the future is full of hope.

So, I think what I’m facing now is my long-term future. I didn’t have a good family of origin. In my childhood memories, I don’t have many happy memories, even when I was with my parents. I didn’t know much about their love. What I knew more was their quarrels. I thought all parents were like that. Against such a family background, I had fewer chances to communicate with others. I was more nervous and introverted. So when I came to New Zealand, far away from home, it was a big challenge for me, a person who had been nervous and afraid in my childhood and had hardly ever had the courage for myself.

I think what I’m facing is my past shy self. 

Actually, I really like writing, at least I think so. But from my childhood to now, I’ve heard little praise from my father. What I’ve heard more is criticism and denial. So I always blame myself when I make mistakes or don’t get the best results. My father is a Christian. I remember he often prayed that I could get good grades, but he never prayed that I could be happy. But actually, I don’t need that anymore. I don’t care about it. In my teens, I thought he was the person I hated most, but later I found that people would become the person they hated most. There’s a very complicated relationship between my parents and me. I can’t explain how the contradictions appeared and how they were solved. I just remember that I’m not afraid of their quarrels anymore. What I’m more afraid of is that they say bad things about each other in front of me because there are all kinds of bad words swirling in my mind. I don’t want to face that. I just know that when I was young, I loved both of them. Until... they got divorced. I didn’t feel too much  sad. Instead, I felt a sense of relief from the troubles of the original family. Because I know this result is good for everyone in the family. I don’t have to receive so much negative energy anymore. But even so, the original family has left a big mark on my life.

I think what I’m facing is to heal my wounds. I don’t think I’m a perfect person. I’m not good at communicating with others, let alone sharing my inner thoughts with friends. In my eyes, it seems that I can only express my emotions in a cold way or cover up my unhappiness with jokes. Because I subconsciously think that no one will understand me, so I just think it doesn’t matter. What I care about is becoming a braver and stronger self. I also hope I can be strong. I won’t listen to others’ criticism of my shortcomings. I believe more in my own thoughts and intuition. I want to experience the world with my own experiences. As I grow up, what I’m facing is a different world.

Acceptance, growth, parting, and love. It seems that these are the things people have to learn and face all their lives. I’m also facing them. Like the death of a loved one, which I couldn’t accept. Like someone I loved so much left this world when I was still very young. I’m sure he was the most important person in the most important stage of my life. He made me feel that nothing is impossible and nothing is beyond my reach. Fear, shyness, and retreat, I prefer to move forward bravely.

What I’m facing is the vast world.

What I’m facing is my imperfect self.

What I’m facing is the boundless life.

What I’m facing is the road I have to keep walking.

What I’m facing is the people I love who will walk with me.